What do you mean I have to get a JOB?

Today I had to craft a lovely budget plan for one of my classes. This crushed every dream I had of being handed a blank check and the keys to a Bentley simply because I don't suck as a human. Apparently, that criterion does not merit the riches of Persian princes. Who would've thought. This is complete potatoes.

After rent, insurance, utilities, gas, entertainment and the student loans I figured a little keebler elf would take care of, I'll have 200 dollhairs left over each month to order a Netflix and eat Ramen noodles with my fish. (Less shitty animals don't fit the budget)

I'm beginning to think that maybe the real world isn't paved with rainbows and tootsiepops and that I may (God Forbid) be stuck in fugly business attire sitting at a desk while some fat twitchy man barks orders at me. And as lovely as that sounds, I don't picture the next 40 years of my life being encompassed by hating my job. I've got dreams big enough to move mountains, but my idle stance on the "go-getting" seems to be making my dreams seem further and further out of reach. I know I can do something great, but I'm so scared of failing that I haven't done anything to follow these dreams. I know what I am capable of doing yet at the same time I'm not sure what I want to do.

I want to help people. I want to travel. I want to write a novel. I don't want to wither away in a cubicle. I don't want to work for something I don't believe in. I don't want to sell my soul for a nice paycheck. But at the same time, worrying about money is no way to live. So we're back to square one. I could either become the next President or hang up my college degree in the break-room of Subway. Until graduation, I'll remain in my bubble of delusions.

The Amazing Race

Today, I began filling out an application for Amazing Race. My best friend, Allie, and I decided that we would be outstanding candidates for this show. We're adventurous, love to travel and most of all - entertaining. I have no doubt in my mind America would love watching two of most weird, hilarious and sarcastic people on the planet team up for a serious of stressful, strange and daunting tasks. I'm getting all hot and bothered just thinking about it - what a rush!

I'm at work again today and I apologize to my coworkers in the next cubicle because I'm a bit gasey today. I'm definitely thinking that the "Employee of the Year" award is in my grasp. What other employee here can successfully do nothing for 8 hours a day and look extremely productive. The trick is to: 1. make a huffing noise approximately every 15 minutes sounding stressed, yet composed and 2. rush to the copy room every half an hour as if you're about to get a fax from Barack Obama.

I've been on Twitter for about an hour and the Kardashian sisters have already Tweeted 6 times about QuickTrim. I'm not quite sure why QuickTrim would choose the WonderAss Sisters as their spokesmodels. Spanx, I could see. Maybe PajamaJeans. They've had like 5 different reality shows, what more do they want? We get it, you're all pretty and have great hair - minus Brucey Poo. Other than that, I'm baffled as to the appeal.

Okay, better get back to pretending to be Penny Productive over here.

Laminator Extraordinaire

Well, I've been wanting to start one of these blog things for awhile. So I figured that while sitting twiddling my thumbs at the office I might as well do something semi-productive. Other than the bitch work I was give to laminate 120 sheets of paper. You'd think coating paper in a waterproof layer of shiny-ness would appeal to me -- yeah, it doesn't.

I guess I'll start off by sharing some things about myself. I am currently attending my last year at Florida State University where I major in Communications. I'm not sure where I'll be heading upon graduation and I hate the lingering question "so what are you going to do?" Well, I'm planning to take my degree and go find a cave where I will live off of deer carcass and practice my prehistoric cave drawing. Or I'll just get a job you pretentious twit. Anyway, I have a passion for writing, laughing, helping and all things weird. Weird things tend to follow me and I have embraced all things awkward, obscure and inexplicable. I have five little brothers, which many say explains so much of my personality.

I'm a no nonsense type of kid. I'm not into small talk unless that small talk happens to be with someone who amuses me. Being easily amused is another gift of mine that I attribute to my mother. Who is equally as insane as myself and the rest of the members of my family. Whose stories, I'm sure, will continually surface throughout my blog. I appreciate those who provide me with stories, mobile uploads or anything else I can get a good laugh out of and share with friends. I admit, I'm not super warm and fuzzy and I don't make apologies for that. I've found that making apologies for things you cannot change is like someone without appendages trying to do jumping jacks - it gets you nowhere but frustrated and a little sweaty.

Currently, my job consists of making people ride public transportation in a place where everyone hates public transportation. And no, I'm not a bus driver. I work in the marketing department of a transit system near my school. It's difficult trying to sell the dream of riding a bus with 40 other smelly characters when, in all honesty, I'd rather grind my teeth on the sidewalk than ride that bus. Well, I'd better get back to improving peoples' lives one bus pass at a time.